What Being a "Buddhist" Means to Me.

I sit and breathe, and listen to my heartbeat. I sit and breathe, and collect the passion that oozes from my pores to generate love.
for myself
for the people in the room
for the floor beneath me
for my family so far away

and for you. I am using the gift of passion for you.

I sit and breath, and sooth myself when my mind wanders. It’s okay. You were thinking again, and now you’re awake.

…

It’s okay. You were thinking again, and now you’re awake.

…

You’re aware now, but you were just fine for thinking.

…

and I repeat this, over and over and over again. I practice, and practice, and find the will for patience in my devout faith. Faith that awareness, and compassion will save the world. I practice, and practice. I work on myself, so that I feel enough motivation to touch somebody else. Anybody. I believe – no, I know – with my entire mind and heart that I am saving the world. That I am healing suffering. I know that in caring and loving myself, I am reaching out to others. I know that in caring and loving others, I am reaching out to myself. The two come hand in hand, neither one more superior to the other.

But the patience, and the love are not always there.
And so I continue to practice - the passion of my will power comes out stronger in the end.
But this power does not win every battle…
And so sometimes, I am left absolutely terrified. I am left lonely. I am left to fester with my own anxieties. I am left to be critical of others and myself
And so I practice, and practice.

This is what being a Buddhist is.