I drown myself in clear water

I drown myself in clear water.

Warm, clear, water
with reflections of lights and colors past
Every beam of joy I've ever seen
sings like stars beneath the surface.
Every color ever soaked into my skin.
Every sparkling pattern to have made me glow,
once.
I'm drowning in these lights
and my body cramps violently for air.

I am immersed in water that boils fiercely with memory.

In the depths
I reach out with hesitant hands for a glowing pink light
she is the light of my first love.
through warmth and tenderness she set me free
and on the edge of her glimmer,
my fingers fall through the emptiness of her false existence
and bubbles escape from my screaming lungs

I am not sinking,
only floating just bellow the surface,
I can see sun of the outer world through this watery screen,
and I want to swim upwards.
Shimmering by,
more reflections of lights and colors past.
and so

I drown myself in this clear water.